This post is me pouring my soul. Although short, I wanted to let you into my brain. I am trying to be more open versus holding everything inside. I am not a natural complainer or pessimist, but I have my weak moments.
Hello! Wow…where do I start? I feel like I just left y’all with no explanation for my silence. I am pretty sure that my longtime followers already know that during the summer I typically take a break from blogging to spend time with my family. This year was a bit different, my kids spent half of their summer at their grandparents house which would have made blogging easier. However, after the One Room Challenge (you can check out my kitchen makeover, HERE), I felt like quitting. Not that I am a quitter or anything like that…I just felt exhausted, over worked, and to some extent as if what I doing wasn’t good enough. Not that I need validation from anyone, but sometimes it would be nice to know that your handwork is paying off. For the longest, I saw my blog as my business and not a hobby. With every business venture there are failures. I felt like I was in my “season” of failing. I felt as if I were running on a hamster wheel while everyone around me was breaking barriers. I wanted to quit…my heart already had, but my mind wanted to keep going. I have a passion for design, thrifting, and creating but sometimes I compare myself to others and that is when self-doubt creeps in and the devil whispers stupid stuff and tells me that I am not good enough. Truth is, I never started blogging to get rich or to have a million followers. I started it because I needed an outlet to express myself. I was thrown into being a SAHM (I love it now), to give my husband the opportunity to thrive in his career. We couldn’t afford childcare (my husband’s profession takes him away from his family) and I didn’t want my kids raised by strangers so I decided to stay-at-home with them. I told myself that I would figure it out and allow myself to have the creative freedom that I once had. To top off all this frustration and self-doubt, I had goals for what I wanted to accomplish and due to fear, I haven’t been able to cross anything off. I know I sound like a hoot, but this has been my struggle for so long. It is hard to see it when everything I share with y’all is pretty much “picture perfect”. My favorite season is almost here and I can tell you one thing, you probably won’t see me try to beat the influencer holiday rush and try to get things decorated before the season this year. I don’t feel like it…it is not that I don’t care, I am just physically drained with trying to stay afloat, trying to make sure my page views don’t drop, and trying to keep up with the big dawgs. I have goals and if I keep running on this dang hamster wheel, I won’t have any legs left to take me to where I want to go. I needed that down time to (sadly) finish unfinished projects and to gather my thoughts. I needed to figure out my purpose and what I really want for myself. In this season of my life, realized I need to slow down, be present, and be the best me I can be. I have goals and I am tired of putting them on the back burner, but the only way to make them real is to leap and not worry about falling. Thank you for listening and don’t worry, I am not going to quit blogging…I am just going to do it when I feel like it. I know this last sentence was a bit forward, but let’s be real…this is what I am feeling.